The most common question I get from those who don't understand surrogacy is "but isn't it going to be hard for you to give up the baby?" I always answer simply "no, it's not, because it's not my baby."
Confession: I don't often think about being pregnant. This is a complete 180 from my own pregnancies where I walked around giddy with excitement, constantly planning, from the moment the pregnancy test showed 2 lines. I'm not looking at what stage of development the baby is in each week. I'm not picking out baby names, researching baby gear or preparing my children for a sibling. I'm not calculating how many years the new baby will be behind his/her youngest sibling in school and if they'll share any high school years together. I'm not planning how to best set up the mini crib next to our bed, who the baby will eventually room with or which spot is best for baby's car seat in the car.
These things don't make me happy or sad, they are just facts. They are WHY it's not going to be hard for me to "give up the baby", because it's NOT my baby, it never has been, it was never intended to be! I'm not planning for and dreaming about having a new little one around...M & C are!
I do LOVE hearing how M & C are preparing for their new little one, their excitement and the newness of everything to them. Sometimes they tell me things that make me silently chuckle, the naiveté of first time parents, having been there myself...oh some of the silly things I did! Sometimes I offer advice, maybe I can save them some of the trial and error, but in the end I know that this is THEIR journey, THEIR baby story, and finding their own way will make them more confident parents. And they are going to be amazing.
P.S. Gender scan is scheduled for June 29th! Any guesses?
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
I'm Not Going to be Octomom - and Other Surrogacy Myths Busted
1) We will be transferring one embryo. I'm not going to be Octomom. In fact, the chance of me finding myself pregnant with twins or higher order multiples is exactly the same as it would be with any other pregnancy (really small).
2) It's not going to be hard for me to "give up" the baby...because it's not my baby! This baby will not be genetically related to me in any way, shape or form. M & C have selected an egg donor from their clinic's frozen egg donor program. The egg will be fertilized with "genetic material" from M or C. The resulting embryo will be transferred into my uterus. I will then, put simply, "baby-sit" for approx 9 months, until their precious bundle is ready to take on the world! Then M & C get daddy duty and I get to sleep for 8 hours a night, sounds good to me.
3) We will be planning a homebirth, just like we had with my youngest child. Pregnancy and labor/delivery is not scary or dangerous. In fact, it's a normal, healthy process, best left alone to proceed as naturally as possible. I'm not putting myself or my family at risk, steps have been taken to ensure everyone's welfare should the pregnancy not go as perfectly as my other pregnancies have.
4) My husband and I have taken the time to explain gestational surrogacy to our children - even warning them what others may think (see #2) and they completely understand and think it's great, they adore M & C and are so excited for them! My children will not be confused.
5) Many kids are raised in non-traditional families and they turn out just fine and some kids are raised in traditional families and turn out not-so-fine. The point is - whether a child is raised by a mom and a dad, two moms, two dads, a grandma, a uncle, a parent and step-parent, etc has little to do with anything. This baby will not be "damaged" by being raised by two dads. The most important things that a child needs are love and family - this lucky little one will have plenty of both!
2) It's not going to be hard for me to "give up" the baby...because it's not my baby! This baby will not be genetically related to me in any way, shape or form. M & C have selected an egg donor from their clinic's frozen egg donor program. The egg will be fertilized with "genetic material" from M or C. The resulting embryo will be transferred into my uterus. I will then, put simply, "baby-sit" for approx 9 months, until their precious bundle is ready to take on the world! Then M & C get daddy duty and I get to sleep for 8 hours a night, sounds good to me.
3) We will be planning a homebirth, just like we had with my youngest child. Pregnancy and labor/delivery is not scary or dangerous. In fact, it's a normal, healthy process, best left alone to proceed as naturally as possible. I'm not putting myself or my family at risk, steps have been taken to ensure everyone's welfare should the pregnancy not go as perfectly as my other pregnancies have.
4) My husband and I have taken the time to explain gestational surrogacy to our children - even warning them what others may think (see #2) and they completely understand and think it's great, they adore M & C and are so excited for them! My children will not be confused.
5) Many kids are raised in non-traditional families and they turn out just fine and some kids are raised in traditional families and turn out not-so-fine. The point is - whether a child is raised by a mom and a dad, two moms, two dads, a grandma, a uncle, a parent and step-parent, etc has little to do with anything. This baby will not be "damaged" by being raised by two dads. The most important things that a child needs are love and family - this lucky little one will have plenty of both!
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Looking Ahead While Reflecting Back
Today, my oldest daughter is celebrating her 12th birthday, and I am reflecting back on 12 years of being a parent. I won't say that it has always been easy, but it has always been worth it - I would pour the blood, sweat and tears out over each of my four children a million times over if it meant I could still be their mommy. Going through the journey that I am on now, I can't help but reflect back on the past 12 years and think about M & C, and the journey that they are just starting to embark on.
To some, surrogacy is nothing more than a business deal. For whatever reason, the Intended Parents and/or the surrogate don't desire to build a relationship with one another. Often their respective locations are an issue, sometimes there is a language barrier, some intended parents just want their baby and that's it...whatever the reason, it happens.
Obviously, first and foremost, this is about helping M & C become parents. But for me, I wanted to find Intended Parents that were local - not only so we could more easily build a relationship, but also because I want to be able to see the look on their faces when they hear their child's heartbeat for the first time, when they see their child's karate moves on the ultrasound, when their child takes his or her first breath of life. I am almost giddy with excitment, waiting for the moment when M & C get to hold their little bundle of joy in their arms and feel for their child what I feel for my children. If you're a parent, you know what I mean. It's going to be incredible - there is no greater love. I also hope to hear all about their child's first steps, first successful potty trip, first day of kindergarten, and all the other "firsts" that I have experienced with my own children throughout the years.
That will all come in time - but for today, happy birthday to my own "little bundle of joy"...even if she isn't so little anymore! And to M & C - sleep while you can my friends, sleep while you can.
To some, surrogacy is nothing more than a business deal. For whatever reason, the Intended Parents and/or the surrogate don't desire to build a relationship with one another. Often their respective locations are an issue, sometimes there is a language barrier, some intended parents just want their baby and that's it...whatever the reason, it happens.
Obviously, first and foremost, this is about helping M & C become parents. But for me, I wanted to find Intended Parents that were local - not only so we could more easily build a relationship, but also because I want to be able to see the look on their faces when they hear their child's heartbeat for the first time, when they see their child's karate moves on the ultrasound, when their child takes his or her first breath of life. I am almost giddy with excitment, waiting for the moment when M & C get to hold their little bundle of joy in their arms and feel for their child what I feel for my children. If you're a parent, you know what I mean. It's going to be incredible - there is no greater love. I also hope to hear all about their child's first steps, first successful potty trip, first day of kindergarten, and all the other "firsts" that I have experienced with my own children throughout the years.
That will all come in time - but for today, happy birthday to my own "little bundle of joy"...even if she isn't so little anymore! And to M & C - sleep while you can my friends, sleep while you can.
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