Ramblings of a Surrogate

The most common question I get from those who don't understand surrogacy is "but isn't it going to be hard for you to give up the baby?" I always answer simply "no, it's not, because it's not my baby."

Confession: I don't often think about being pregnant.  This is a complete 180 from my own pregnancies where I walked around giddy with excitement, constantly planning, from the moment the pregnancy test showed 2 lines.  I'm not looking at what stage of development the baby is in each week.  I'm not picking out baby names, researching baby gear or preparing my children for a sibling.  I'm not calculating how many years the new baby will be behind his/her youngest sibling in school and if they'll share any high school years together.  I'm not planning how to best set up the mini crib next to our bed, who the baby will eventually room with or which spot is best for baby's car seat in the car. 

These things don't make me happy or sad, they are just facts.  They are WHY it's not going to be hard for me to "give up the baby", because it's NOT my baby, it never has been, it was never intended to be! I'm not planning for and dreaming about having a new little one around...M & C are!

I do LOVE hearing how M & C are preparing for their new little one, their excitement and the newness of everything to them.  Sometimes they tell me things that make me silently chuckle, the naiveté of first time parents, having been there myself...oh some of the silly things I did! Sometimes I offer advice, maybe I can save them some of the trial and error, but in the end I know that this is THEIR journey, THEIR baby story, and finding their own way will make them more confident parents.  And they are going to be amazing.

P.S. Gender scan is scheduled for June 29th! Any guesses?

Another Door Closes

I am sad to report that after careful consideration, M & C have decided, for financial reasons, that they will not be prepared to cycle again until July 2013.  They have terminated our contract early, as is within their right, but would like me to wait for them until July. 

This came as a complete shock to me and I am...a little confused, a little hurt and very sad.  But I do believe everything happens for a reason.  Maybe the timing is just not right - my family and I have a very busy year ahead of us between school and dance and chorus and moving...maybe this is the universe's way of telling me not to take on too much at once.  Maybe July will be better for all of us.  Or maybe it just wasn't meant to be...maybe there's another couple out there who needs me more urgently.

Everything Happens for A Reason

I don't know what the reason is yet, so I will wait until it becomes apparent to me before I decide my next move.  Thank you all for your support, it has meant so much to me!

Words of Wisdom From Dr. Seuss

I saw this on Facebook earlier this week and shared it with my Facebook friends, which isn't something I typically do but it struck a chord with me...

Then yesterday, I received a copy of my psychological evaluation from the clinic that I had previously worked with in L.A.  In it was this little gem, based on my "Personality Assessment Inventory", from Dr. B - "She is likely to value her independence and appears less concerned than most people about the opinions of others."  I guess that explains my affinity for Dr. Seuss.