Another Door Closes

I am sad to report that after careful consideration, M & C have decided, for financial reasons, that they will not be prepared to cycle again until July 2013.  They have terminated our contract early, as is within their right, but would like me to wait for them until July. 

This came as a complete shock to me and I am...a little confused, a little hurt and very sad.  But I do believe everything happens for a reason.  Maybe the timing is just not right - my family and I have a very busy year ahead of us between school and dance and chorus and moving...maybe this is the universe's way of telling me not to take on too much at once.  Maybe July will be better for all of us.  Or maybe it just wasn't meant to be...maybe there's another couple out there who needs me more urgently.

Everything Happens for A Reason

I don't know what the reason is yet, so I will wait until it becomes apparent to me before I decide my next move.  Thank you all for your support, it has meant so much to me!

Beta Results Are In

Unfortunately, we were not successful this cycle. I have been taking pregnancy tests all week at home so, while the news wasn't surprising, I am devastated for M & C. This is an emotionally and physically draining process for me but it's their child that we are trying to bring to fruition and nothing compares to that. I am hopeful that we'll be able to try again soon.

To M & C - I love you guys and I know this process, while painful at times, will make the reward that much sweeter for you in the end (((HUGS)))

One in the Oven and One in the Freezer!

I received the exciting news from M this morning that one of the embryos that the embryologist was growing out made it to a day 5 as a grade 2 and was frozen, yesterday, for future use! Hopefully a year or two in the future ;o) M and C are thrilled and I'm so happy for them!

As for me, I'm having a lot of pain and soreness from the progesterone injections, particularly in my right hip for some reason, but hanging in there until testing day! I survived bedrest and am now on limited activity (only allowed once up/down the stairs per day, no cleaning, lifting anything heavier than a 1/2 gallon of milk, no exercise, etc)...so I'm feeling pretty worthless around the house here but I guess I should enjoy it while it lasts!

Transfer Complete!

This morning, when the clinic called, they had one 5-cell embryo and one 7-cell embryo so the plan, at that time, was to transfer the 7-cell embryo. But within 6 hours, just before transfer, the 5-cell embryo had grown to 8-cells and the 7-cell embryo was still at 7-cells so the decision was made to transfer the one 8-cell embryo.

This is the 7-cell embryo that they will grow out to day 5 or 6 to see if they can freeze it...more on that later this week!

Both the 7-cell and 8-cell embryos looked great but since the 8-cell had a recent "growth spurt", it was decided that it would be a better choice.

The transfer itself was easy and "perfect", Dr. L was able to place the embryo exactly where he wanted it. They did do assisted hatching beforehand so hopefully the embryo will hatch out of its shell over the next few days and find a nice place to snuggle in for 9 months!

I return for a blood pregnancy test on September 7th!

Transfer TODAY!

The clinic just called and there is one little embryo that is the star of the show right now so we will be transferring that one this afternoon to give him/her the best chance to thrive in a more natural environment.  The others will be grown out to see if they can be frozen for future use, if needed.  I'll be on bedrest for 24 hours after the transfer so I'm sure I'll be back with another update! 

Donor Egg Thaw & Fertilization Results

Yesterday morning I received a text message from M with the somewhat disappointing news that only 4 of the 6 frozen donor eggs survived the thaw.  *sigh* Not how we were hoping to get this started! Of course we agonized all day yesterday, then today we got the exciting news that ALL FOUR EGGS FERTILIZED! *happy dance*

So things are looking good right now, we just have to wait and see how the four little survivers grow!  Hopefully they'll do well and we can do a day 5 transfer on Thursday, we should know more by Tuesday!

"I'm really happy with everything I see here..."

...said the doctor to the surrogate, while checking out her uterus via ultrasound.

Today was my last appointment with Dr. L until transfer day, which we can now officially say is next week (thanks to M for pointing that out to me!), and Dr. L is super happy with how everything looks - which is awesome to hear.  Gotta love when your uterus cooperates!

This weekend is going to be very exciting! On Saturday, the clinic will thaw 6 eggs from M and C's selected egg donor (which were frozen after a previous cycle).  According to Dr. L, stastically, 5 or 6 are expected to survive the thaw.  Because freezing of the eggs can make the outer layer of the egg harder to penetrate, they will be using ICSI to help encourage fertilization.  Typically, they will check for fertilization 24 hours later - so Sunday morning.  Again, statistically, they expect about 2/3 of the eggs to fertilize.  This should leave us with 3 or 4 embryos.  Dr. L will want to see which embryo will be the best to transfer so they will observe the embryos over a 3 to 5 day period.  Some of them will not grow and there is a small chance that we will only be left with one embryo by day 3, if that's the case, we will do a day 3 transfer on August 28th.  More likely, they will continue to grow the embryos until August 30th, which will be day 5, or the blastocyst stage.  At this stage it is easier to select the best one to transfer.  Depending on the thickness of the outer layer of the selected embryo, the embryologist may perform an assisted hatching procedure immediately before transfer, to help encourage implantation.  Any remaining embryos will be frozen for future use.

Then the agonizing wait until I can take a pregnancy test begins!

P.S. Read the links above if you have the time, the science behind all this is really fascinating!

Appointment Update!

I had an ultrasound this morning to check the uterine lining.  Dr. L said anything over 7mm is good and mine is *drumroll*.........12.3mm WOOHOO! Dr. L also observed a triple layer pattern, which is considered ideal for implantation.  So we're still on for transfer in TWO WEEKS!

Keeping It Real

I have been hesitant to blog about this because, really, who wants to hear me whine?? But things have at least somewhat turned a corner now and I've decided I'm keeping it real so here it goes...

I've been doing Lupron injections nightly for 10 days now and the first week was really rough.  The shots themselves are not a big deal, the needles are tiny and relatively painless - although you couldn't tell by looking at my lower abdomen, which is riddled with little bruises in various stages of healing.  But the side effects have been...not fun.  I was completely exhausted all the time and had a splitting headache every day - for a good 7 or 8 days straight.  Then I started Estrogen patches 3 days ago and about that same time I started getting some energy back and the headaches have at least diminished in intensity - thank goodness for Estrogen! I'll be on this Lupron/Estrogen combination until the day before the egg thaw, which is just 14 more days!

I'm Not Going to be Octomom - and Other Surrogacy Myths Busted

1) We will be transferring one embryo.  I'm not going to be Octomom.  In fact, the chance of me finding myself pregnant with twins or higher order multiples is exactly the same as it would be with any other pregnancy (really small).

2) It's not going to be hard for me to "give up" the baby...because it's not my baby! This baby will not be genetically related to me in any way, shape or form.  M & C have selected an egg donor from their clinic's frozen egg donor program.  The egg will be fertilized with "genetic material" from M or C.  The resulting embryo will be transferred into my uterus.  I will then, put simply, "baby-sit" for approx 9 months, until their precious bundle is ready to take on the world! Then M & C get daddy duty and I get to sleep for 8 hours a night, sounds good to me.

3) We will be planning a homebirth, just like we had with my youngest child.  Pregnancy and labor/delivery is not scary or dangerous.  In fact, it's a normal, healthy process, best left alone to proceed as naturally as possible.  I'm not putting myself or my family at risk, steps have been taken to ensure everyone's welfare should the pregnancy not go as perfectly as my other pregnancies have.

4) My husband and I have taken the time to explain gestational surrogacy to our children - even warning them what others may think (see #2) and they completely understand and think it's great, they adore M & C and are so excited for them! My children will not be confused. 

5) Many kids are raised in non-traditional families and they turn out just fine and some kids are raised in traditional families and turn out not-so-fine.  The point is - whether a child is raised by a mom and a dad, two moms, two dads, a grandma, a uncle, a parent and step-parent, etc has little to do with anything. This baby will not be "damaged" by being raised by two dads.  The most important things that a child needs are love and family - this lucky little one will have plenty of both!

Meds!

5 days and counting (only a surro would be excited about this)!

Sonohysterogram & Mock Transfer

Today was my sonohysterogram.   I'm not going to lie - I was nervous about it, primarily because Dr. Google was leading me to believe it was everything from a walk in the park to worse than childbirth.  I didn't have this particular procedure done with my previous surrogacy journey and my Google search wasn't exactly reassuring so yes, I drove to the clinic a complete ball of nerves.  I park my car, walk to the office, open to the door and who do I see? M & C! I was not expecting them to be there at all, they live 30 minutes away and there was nothing needed from them at this appointment but they came, and I'm so glad they did because after about 2 minutes - I wasn't nervous anymore! They had a song and dance about being out running errands but I'm not buying it, they just came because they're awesome (I'm on to you guys)!

Before he did the sonohysterogram, Dr. L did a mock transfer.  During the mock transfer he inserted the same type of catheter into my uterus that he'll use for the embryo transfer - to determine the depth of the uterus and the best way to insert the catheter to get the embryo where it needs to be to give it the best chance to implant.  It went off without a hitch - Dr. L said it was easy and we agreed that easy is good! The sonohysterogram was actually pretty cool, I thought it was neat to watch it on the ultrasound.  I could see him insert the smaller catheter and release the saline into the uterus.  This causes the uterus to "blow up", sort of like a balloon, so Dr. L can better visualize the inside of the uterus and evaluate for polyps or fibroids that could interfere with implantation.  Everything looked normal so we're good to go.  And for the record, whoever said it was worse than childbirth must have had the epidural because it was a lot closer to a walk in the park.

Looking Ahead While Reflecting Back

Today, my oldest daughter is celebrating her 12th birthday, and I am reflecting back on 12 years of being a parent.  I won't say that it has always been easy, but it has always been worth it - I would pour the blood, sweat and tears out over each of my four children a million times over if it meant I could still be their mommy.  Going through the journey that I am on now, I can't help but reflect back on the past 12 years and think about M & C, and the journey that they are just starting to embark on. 

To some, surrogacy is nothing more than a business deal.  For whatever reason, the Intended Parents and/or the surrogate don't desire to build a relationship with one another.  Often their respective locations are an issue, sometimes there is a language barrier, some intended parents just want their baby and that's it...whatever the reason, it happens. 

Obviously, first and foremost, this is about helping M & C become parents.  But for me, I wanted to find Intended Parents that were local - not only so we could more easily build a relationship, but also because I want to be able to see the look on their faces when they hear their child's heartbeat for the first time, when they see their child's karate moves on the ultrasound, when their child takes his or her first breath of life.  I am almost giddy with excitment, waiting for the moment when M & C get to hold their little bundle of joy in their arms and feel for their child what I feel for my children.   If you're a parent, you know what I mean.  It's going to be incredible - there is no greater love.  I also hope to hear all about their child's first steps, first successful potty trip, first day of kindergarten, and all the other "firsts" that I have experienced with my own children throughout the years.

That will all come in time - but for today, happy birthday to my own "little bundle of joy"...even if she isn't so little anymore! And to M & C - sleep while you can my friends, sleep while you can.

Calendar!

Wow! This clinic is really on top of things...we met with them for the first time on Tuesday morning and by Thursday evening we had our calendar for our IVF cycle and A PLAN! I love having a plan!

So here it is: I start daily Lupron injections in 11 days (July 31st)! Then I add in Estrogen patches starting on August 7th.  M & C have selected an egg donor from our clinic's frozen egg donor program - those frozen eggs will be thawed and fertilized on August 25th, which is when I'll stop the Lupron injections and begin daily Progesterone injections (both the Estrogen and the Progesterone support will continue through the 12th week of pregnancy, if we are successful).  The embryos will be grown to the blastocyst stage, they will use assisted hatching to help encourage implantation after the transfer.  The transfer is scheduled for August 30th!

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On another fun note...I told my 5 year old yesterday about M & C, and me trying to help them have a baby.  I told her the baby would have two dads and she said "Wow! That baby is so lucky! Dad's are FUN!"

Words of Wisdom From Dr. Seuss

I saw this on Facebook earlier this week and shared it with my Facebook friends, which isn't something I typically do but it struck a chord with me...

Then yesterday, I received a copy of my psychological evaluation from the clinic that I had previously worked with in L.A.  In it was this little gem, based on my "Personality Assessment Inventory", from Dr. B - "She is likely to value her independence and appears less concerned than most people about the opinions of others."  I guess that explains my affinity for Dr. Seuss.

Where We're At Now

Today M, C and I got together to sign contracts (it's "official"!) and meet with their fertility doctor for a consultation - we are using Advanced Fertility Care.  I love this clinic - the doctor and all the staff were organized, thorough, compassionate and really took the time to explain the process in great detail.

Fortunately, most of my screenings have already been completed and, equally fortunately, we were able to get more screenings done today (ultrasound for me - since I conveniently just started a new cycle plus "swimmer" analysis and bloodwork for M and C); so we should be able to move forward pretty quickly!

I have a funny story to tell and I'm pretty sure M and C have a story to tell - but I don't want to scare everyone away with TMI on post number 3 sooooo....

Next up: bloodwork and sonohysterogram for me; and psychological exams for M and C.  Then back to the clinic for a follow up on August 2nd.  We should get a better idea of what time frame we are looking at then - we're all hoping for an August transfer!

Putting It Out There In The Universe: Finding M & C

Fresh off a failed transfer, in April 2012, I knew I wanted to find a new set of Intended Parents (IPs) to work with but I also knew that my "perfect match" would be hard to find - and, as much as I wanted to do a surrogacy journey, I wasn't willing to compromise on my morals.  I would not want to abort or selectively reduce, unless my life were at risk, and I strongly preferred a single embryo transfer to reduce the risk of multiples, and increase the chance of being able to birth at home.  I knew it would be hard to find IPs who were looking for the same things.

On May 6th, I posted an ad on surromomsonline.com - detailing myself and what I was looking for in IPs.  Over the next 30 days, I received a dozen replies.  Some obvious scams, some heartbreaking stories, some couples from far away...but none exactly what I was looking for.  I remember telling my husband one night, when I had almost convinced myself that my "perfect match" didn't exist, that I would love to find a local couple, someone who I could help become parents (i.e. have their first child)...and I thought it would be kind of cool to help a gay couple.

Lesson Number One: Put it out there in the universe and see what happens.

On May 31st, I received an email from M.  He and his partner, C, were looking for the right gestational carrier to help them become parents.  After several emails back and forth, it was obvious that we clicked but M & C were heading out of town on vacation and then, almost immediately upon their return, my family and I were heading out of town on vacation.  Finally, we were able to meet in person, on July 7th, over lunch.  We talked and laughed, and my husband and I felt instantly comfortable with them. 

M & C are sweet, funny, down to earth and - most importantly - they are going to be amazing daddies.  It is an honor to be chosen to help them in their journey to parenthood, to be entrusted with their most precious treasure - their future child.  I can't wait to see the adventure that awaits us!

When One Door Closes, Another One Opens

I can't blog my journey with M & C without first mentioning my journey with my beautiful friend J and her husband L, as they were my first foray into surrogacy and my present journey never would have come to be without them.

J & L are parents of a son, the old fashioned way, and twin girls, through a gestational surrogate. It was J who introduced me to the world of surrogacy, back when I was still pregnant with my youngest child. It was J who videoed the home waterbirth of said child. It was J that I was friends with for 3 years before we traveled together to California for the transfer of their one frozen embryo, their only hope of a 4th child, into me. And it was J that I delivered the devastating news to, 2 weeks later, that that transfer had resulted in a chemical pregnancy.

For J & L, their surrogacy journey had ended. They decided that a 4th child was not meant to be, that their family was complete with three beautiful children and they were excitedly looking forward to where their life was going to go from there.

For me, my journey through surrogacy was just beginning. My time in the lives of J & L had lit a fire in my soul. I knew I had the power to make the dreams of a couple who desperately wanted a child to come true - to grow their baby for them from the first cells of life and to hand their baby to them with the knowledge that that child will come to be their greatest accomplishment in life.  That is what I wanted to do, that is what I was meant to do.